


the morse code of heartbeats

by bulut



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Love, M/M, Relationship Study, Wordcount: 100-1.000, could also be read as character study, waxing poetic on kageyama's blue eyes like a true hq fic author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25267858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulut/pseuds/bulut
Summary: For Kei, Kageyama came like an avalanche.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	the morse code of heartbeats

For Kei, Kageyama came like an avalanche.

There was an annoying steadiness to his setter hands. Nothing like the tremble that went through Kei when he first saw Kageyama play in middle school.

It was the first time in a while that Kei lost control in some way. He was fourteen; he was still learning. Though for Kageyama, it was the last time he lost control. Learned the hard way what would happen if he did.

Their first months at Karasuno were a snowstorm. In Kei’s eyes, cold pinpricks, in through his nose to his throat, ever the annoying back-and-forth of insults, cold daggers of glares. Kageyama and his control he barely kept from going out the window the second Kei opened his mouth. Kei watched him almost slip into his king persona, barely miss unleashing dictatorship upon teammates, a hundred times. Waiting for the moment he finally lost it, so that Kei could be justified in his distaste.

A goal never achieved.

The King was just as he expected, and nothing like he expected at all. He was struggling to juggle too many things with his pitifully small hands. The tyrant was definitely there, for all of them to see whenever things didn’t go his way on the court. Kei always the first one to tease him for it, because he was trying not to see.

Kageyama’s problem wasn’t actually things not going his way. He just assigned people potentials, and couldn’t fathom why when they failed to live up to it; he just did it because he thought everyone as earnest as he was.

So much like a cold, severe king, yet nothing like that at all.

Like a checkpoint Kei alone drove straight by, Yamaguchi started not laughing along after a while. Hinata started not going out of his way to annoy Kageyama, and Kageyama not counting seconds to go off like a time bomb. Kei alone kept antagonising Kageyama, earning furrowing brows and a silent reprimand. Kei was holding off.

Scowling at steady hands and holding off. Glowering at the stupid, shiny black head and holding off. Throwing glares that could wither the blue out of Kageyama’s eyes had he looked, only if he looked, and holding off.

Somewhere in the boy who once tried and failed, who learned where he went wrong and atoned, who bowed his head but raised it again and this time, actually looked, there was the future Kei that he strangled in his hands before he came to be.

Someone who got hurt by the one thing (person) he’d given his entire heart to.

Not someone who fortified his walls and sharpened his tongue for it, though, like Kei. That was where their similarities ended; they had walked to the opposite sides of the spectrum and now, it was Kei who looked like he was stuck on the past while Kageyama seemed to have moved on long since.

Pathetic, and laughable.

(For the jaded edges to smooth over) It took a while. (To suppress the flinch he’d almost conditioned himself into having whenever Kageyama entered his space) It took a while.

Day in, day out in training camps, neighbouring mattresses, eating from the same table, joy over the same scores, crying the same tears, Kei’s frozen-over heart gave way for speckles of white to get in. The most vibrant colour reflected off the crystals was: blue. The melody of the firmament hidden in its twinkle, twinkle, shine.

Never knowing how it came to be, never having realised, never stopping for a moment to shake off its hold: Kei came to memorise how blue looked like when it was glazed over by salty tears. When it caught in its abyss the sparkle of happiness. When it looked his way, when it looked the other way, when it wanted to ward off the outside world, when it wanted to reflect off itself the seven light rays of the rainbow; when it spelled bliss, when it spelled grief, when it washed over him like the ocean, when it smouldered like the warmest star in the sky, Kei came to know.

Only one, the one he’d been seeing all along, staring into it obliviously—perhaps blinded by the intensity of it all; his stupid child’s eyes could never notice, his immature little heart could never notice—how it looked like when it was in love, Kei came to learn the last.

It felt like the only logical conclusion.

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my first language, so there might be errors. thank you for reading.


End file.
